My date with Influenza

You heard right boys and girls, for the past five days my body has been mercilessly attacked by the wonderful virus. Waking up Wednesday morning, I knew something was off, and by midday I felt strange, but still had not fragment of belief that I was being invaded and my immunity defenses were having their throats slit by Influenza Navy Seals. Sure enough though, by evening I was sicker than a dog. Sicker than an Argentine dog. I don’t recall the last time I felt so terrible. I decided to stay at home, and one day turned into two, which turned into five. It’s been a while since I’ve experienced delirium, and I have some pretty nutty dreams because of it, at which I’ll share at a later time. But besides the delirious manifestations and overall feeling of crappiness, I managed to cough up a lung. That’s right. That’s not a drawing up there. That’s an actual photo of me Friday night. It was terrible. I think I’ve coughed up enough lung butter, that if they used the stuff to lubricate airplane propellers, I’d have enough for the Air Force’s entire 14th division (the one that still has aircraft with propellers).
The only comfort I found during my quarantine was the shower. Oh how grateful I am for hot water! I think I took at least three showers a day, what it being my only moment of relaxation. I would just sit there, letting the hot water wash over me. I also found that one of the best feelings in the world is rubbing a buffer stone all over one’s back side.
Unfortunately, it holds nothing to the worst feelings in the world: that first cough that wakes you up. Oh the horror. As if my throat wasn’t sore enough in the morning! But to wake up to that flesh-tearing hacking cough which pain reaches the back of your eyeballs? I curse you Influenza! And that’s if I even get to sleep so that I can have a cough to wake up to! Most of the nights I spent wading in my own body’s perspiration. I honestly went through three bottles of water a night because I’d sweat it all out within the hours. Saturday night was the worst, in which I actually woke up shivering because my entire bed was wet and all my clothing was plastered onto me as if it were wet toilet paper. So I peeled it all off like a sick lizard shedding its sick, wet, moist skin, and tried sleeping in nothing but a thin blanket. This was in vain, for but twenty minutes later I awoke again to discover my entire body dripping with cold sweat and I’m this close to screaming with frustration. I don’t though, mind you, because my throat is so raw I’m pretty sure screaming would've caused blood to spew forth all over me and my bed, and I love my mattress too much.
It was a callous decision for me to have gone out Saturday. I thought some fresh air would do me good. So I took a walk, and found myself heading towards the mall. I bought an orange Julius, and then realizing I had not nourished my body all day, went to buy something at Subways. Eat fresh, right? Well, then I went through something I’ve come to title “The Vapor Effect”. Let me see if it rings any bells for you. Almost everything tastes odd. Smells are bombarding your system, especially odors like ketchup, mustard, vinegar, and salsas. I really should’ve seen this coming, for it’s not the first run-through I’ve had with The Vapor Effect. My Doritos tasted a little funky, but no biggie. But when I bit into my Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich on Wheat, I felt like I had just stuffed something in my mouth that had been pickled in a bottle of formaldehyde for a year. I instantly dry-heaved, and I even considered vomiting right there in the mall, but dignity was crowned the victor, and I managed to eat all the chicken and some of the vegetables. Lousy waste of six bucks though.
So that was my week, all comfortably wrapped up in my cocoon of disease. I spent most of the time either in bed or in the shower, and only managed to do some drawing when my delirium wasn’t too bad. Sadly, the Bostode Cartoon will probably have to be put off a little longer, since I missed almost a whole week of working on it. I did manage to finish season three of Arrested Development, and whoa is that most recent episode of Lost great!? All in all, a pretty productive, fun, and enlightening week! SIKE!!